I cried in savasana last night.  It was a beautiful clean cry.  The type that leaves your feeling so alive.  This was what I wrote in my journal after.

I miss miss miss.  I miss everything about my African life.  And yet I go on.  I keep trucking because I love this life I am living now and the possibility it is creating.  But with each door opening, I hear the creak of the hinges as another door shuts.  I chose this.  I chose to turn my back, at least for the time being, on my life there, on Africa.  And I will turn my back again and again in this life so that I may face forward in a new direction. The only constant in life is change.

I turn my back to face the sunshine.  I let the dead leaves fall to the earth, absorbed into the earth, memories to feed my roots.  I turn, soaking up the light, basking in the glory of this moment; this time NOW. There is no other, for tomorrow the sun will shift and I must turn my face once more towards the light.


3 thoughts on “Missing

  1. Very well said. I want to share with you something I’ve been working with: Our sense of loss is bound up with the fact that we conceptualize and draw boundaries around the events in our lives. That’s not bad; it’s probably adaptive. But it does lead to this sense of finality and loss we experience when we move to a new thing and no longer have the old thing. So… I’ve been working more with seeing life as energetic – pranic. With that, I don’t see one thing or another to be lost, instead I try to see the ever changing flux. And what once was there is still there only now it appears to be in different form. Africa is still very much with you, and so is whatever was before Africa. It all is a part of your life experience. And it isn’t lost. It only seems lost if we draw a boundary around it and say this thing no longer is. In truth, it can’t be lost because it is thoroughly mixed into your life. Really nice post. Thanks.

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